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So here is my advice to these older virgins. 1. Do get involved with the pickup community: learn the secrets of inner game, social dynamics, outer game and seduction, etc. 2. Don’t give up porn and masturbation but do get out there and meet people and make connections. Use your porn and masturbation time to learn about what really turns you on. Be able to explain what you want with confidence. 3. Do join the sex positive community. Start reading sex positive blogs and listen to sex positive podcast. See if there is a sex positive store/group in the area. Take any workshops that they have. Learn that there is nothing wrong with your desires no matter how dark, nasty or whatever they are as long as they are safe, sane and consensual. Learn what things really are hot for women. Learn how to do all those things in porn the right, safe and not painful way (unless she really, really likes it the painful way). Learn how to talk to women about what you want. How it will feel to them and show that you have the knowledge to the it the right way.

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Just before finding this website, I was sure that no one understood what I’m going through. I’m 27 and practically a virgin. I’ve been actively trying to lose my v-card for over a year and I was getting very discouraged and pissed off. Lately I’ve been getting advice to the tone of, “You just haven’t met the right one.” I’m going to follow your suggestions instead–get rid of the porn and get that first lay out of the way(even if its a fat chick).

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I was still involved in lots of activities: Jack and Jills of America, karate, Boy Scouts of America, my High Schools Pre-Med program, peer tutoring, Sci-Fi/Fantasy club, the Asian club (even though I wasn’t Azn). Many of these organizations had women that I knew and probably would have gone out with me. Later on I went to college: plenty of girls, plenty of activities, didn’t have a TV. Still no play. Still even later I was working/hanging out at the Limelight night club in NYC. At one point I was going down there 6 times a week. Still I was a virgin. Finally much later in life I slept with an escort (female). While I am not telling everyone to go out and find a sex worker what I am trying to say is that I had a lot of issues being ok with my own sexual desires. This really didn’t fix itself until I got involved with the sex positive community and the pick up community.

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For me it’s all about the Stigma. If me saying “Yeah, I’m 36 years old and never had a gf before” carried the same weight as “Yeah, I’m 36 and never been on an airplane before”, then I’d be “out there” more, whatever that entails. How you’re viewed will always supersede whatever opinion you have of yourself. Doesn’t matter what you do for a living, how much $ you take home, college degree, etc., you are The Virgin…again Stigma. Personally, I know why I’m a V, I’m not an attractive-looking person, and that’s two-fold. I look like an Ape (sorta like Patrick Ewing) and I have that perceived “mixed-race” look (I’m 100% hispanic, but the mix of my hair with my lighter skin color…nobody really likes to mate with that. Folks like people who look like them. If you can’t be categorized, no one wants to deal with “that”).

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I’m 36 year old involuntary celibate male and here’s my take on this article from someone who is a total virgin (no sex, no gf, no kissing, etc). I didn’t even have to *try* to be one either, it’s just is. The only thing I agree with is the “Catch 22″ section (graph’s sort weak-looking by the way). It’s definitely sorta too late now, it’s not like when you hear on the news that some 76 year old grandmother “finally” got her College Degree and it’s considered a “good thing”. If you “finally” lose your virginity at like 43, you’d still get the “WHAT”!??!