So here is my advice to these older virgins. 1. Do get involved with the pickup community: learn the secrets of inner game, social dynamics, outer game and seduction, etc. 2. Don’t give up porn and masturbation but do get out there and meet people and make connections. Use your porn and masturbation time to learn about what really turns you on. Be able to explain what you want with confidence. 3. Do join the sex positive community. Start reading sex positive blogs and listen to sex positive podcast. See if there is a sex positive store/group in the area. Take any workshops that they have. Learn that there is nothing wrong with your desires no matter how dark, nasty or whatever they are as long as they are safe, sane and consensual. Learn what things really are hot for women. Learn how to do all those things in porn the right, safe and not painful way (unless she really, really likes it the painful way). Learn how to talk to women about what you want. How it will feel to them and show that you have the knowledge to the it the right way.